II of Cups

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Happy Valentines Day! As a tribute to the day, I chose the II of Cups as the topic of discussion. The II of Cups is a fitting card as it reflects the union of kindred spirits and the formation of healthy relationships, although the relationships here are not necessarily romantic; they could be familial, platonic, or even professional.

The imagery in this card tends to show two individuals, often exchanging cups. There's a lot of eye contact going on, and, usually, a physical closeness. There is often a caduceus depicted in the card, a symbol of healing and medicine, which (if intuition suggests) could indicate a professional relationship (therapeutic, medical, etc), but also represents the healing power of a union with someone who vibes with you.

I think we've all met people in our lives who can fill the II of Cups shoes, even if it was only for a brief period; after all, the II of Cups says nothing of longevity, only the existence and possibility of a blessed union.

The II of Cups playlist is available on Spotify.

Message of the Day: The II of Cups is all happiness, rainbows, and glittery shit that makes your heart go pitter-pat. As it should be! I mean, who doesn't love finding that connection? But that's the often superficial, honeymoon stage of a relationship.

What about when you move past the honeymoon period and instead of reaching for the other's cup, you're reaching for a glass of wine? This is the period where the novelty has worn off and you're left with the realities of a union with another human being who has needs, desires, wants... and baggage. I love in Rent (the musical) when Mimi sings "I'm looking for baggage that goes with mine." I think that's a big part of successful relationships: being able to accept and make room for the unsavory bits of the other side of the relationship. No one goes into a relationship with a clean slate. It often comes with past trauma, communication issues, narcissism, nostalgia, and learned behaviors that are ultimately anti-relationship. I think that humans, in general, are not very good at figuring out relationships without some side help to help tweeze out the difficult and painful bits so love and acceptance bloom, or at least being open to working together through the pain points as they come.

I'm very fortunate that my relationship with my husband (15 years this November) has been relatively easy. We are very much in alignment across the spectrum. We're by no means perfect, but we learn from our mistakes. Here are a few things I've learned:

  • We are a team, and we make a GOOD team. We are in it together and have committed to stand by each other through the good and... having a child.
  • We are considerate of each other and each other's time. We don't make plans without consulting the other. This is a simple display of respect for each other.
  • We make room for each other and regularly do things for each other out of kindness and love for the other, not out of expectation (or spite).
  • We communicate (or try to - this is one of my pain points) when things get rough, even if it takes a day or two.
  • We love each other openly and try to set a good example for our son so he can learn and implement these same qualities in his future relationships.
  • We have the same large goals and recognize that neither of us is perfect or all-knowing.

I've also seen a lot of relationships fail because there is a general unwillingness to be open to being a union; they still want to maintain the individual. I mean, being in a relationship doesn't (and shouldn't) erase the individual. If anything, the qualities of the individual should strengthen the relationship. But when one side (or both sides!) of the couple isn't willing to truly let the other in, disruption sets in.

I listened to a podcast from The Tarot Diagnosis this weekend about relationship ruptures. It was an excellent episode, and the hosts spoke of The Gottman Institutes' metaphor of The Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse in comparison to the breakdown of communication in a relationship. These Four Horsemen are Criticism, Contempt, Defensiveness, and Stonewalling.

Remember that the II of Cups is a celebration of unity. Be present this Valentine's Day and look at how you can improve your union, whether that be with your partner/spouse, children, parents, coworkers, or friends. Find the bliss in a happy relationship and grow together.

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