While many people identify The Lovers card with relationships and sexuality, at its core, this card speaks to choices—life-altering, deeply ethical, and often uncomfortable decisions that shape who we are and who we become. The Lovers challenges us to confront our desires, values, and the consequences of our choices, offering a mirror to the dilemmas we face in life.

When we look at Pamela Coleman Smith's illustration of The Lovers, the choice wasn't just about whether to eat of the Tree of Knowledge, it was about whether to maintain their relationship together. It wasn't even necessarily about self-preservation, but about maintaining equilibrium in their existing relationship. If one was expelled from The Garden of Eden, then how could life persist? What would that path look like? Yes, it was a choice, but at what consequence?

I love the visual of The Crossroads when thinking about The Lovers (and some decks actually use this in place of The Lovers). I imagine standing in the middle of an intersection of life with different paths leading in different directions. Reflecting on your life, it is easy to see how a single decision has led you down a very specific path when making a different choice could end up elsewhere. This is often a moment when we step into maturity, where we must weigh instant gratification against long-term fulfillment. And while the choices are rarely black-and-white, we find ourselves relying on our moral compass and experience, having been influenced by our sense of ethics, our upbringing, and even external pressures like money, family, and environment.

With me, for example, I made the choice to take a job working for a small company that required me to move to the opposite side of Houston where I knew no one. If I hadn't done that, I wouldn't have bought a house there; wouldn't have met my husband; wouldn't have adopted our son; and so on. That choice set me on a distinct path. It wasn’t morally difficult, but it was terrifying. And not only did that one decision affect me and my life, but it also affected my husband's life, and even more so, our adopted son's life. His entire world would be completely different solely because I opted to take the risk of working for this company. That's really mind-blowing when you look at it that way. Like Adam and Eve in The Lovers card, I was the one standing at a crossroads. The choice wasn’t inherently about right or wrong but about courage versus comfort, possibility versus predictability. The Tree of Knowledge and the Tree of Life were there too, symbolically, I suppose: one path promising growth through risk, the other offering safety. By choosing risk, I not only shaped my life but also altered the trajectories of those I would come to love.

We all have situations where we are faced with different choices. Sometimes there are clearly lit paths with obvious pointers to where to go; and other times, every path is a maze of difficult and unclear choices, none of which look like a road we want to go down. How do we decide? What factors sway our decisions?

While I was thinking about this, I came up with the idea of a teenager (as The Lovers is full of teenage energy) standing at a crossroads. Behind him are his parents who have taught him well and given him good moral advice and standards to help him on his way in life. To his right, a dark building full of advanced machinations, steep stairs, and mountains of coins - a path steeped in ambition, but also solitude and sacrifice. Ahead of him is a group of young guys, strong, shirtless, and athletic. They radiate camaraderie and freedom, pulling him toward the joy of now, but leaving the future to fend for itself. And to the left, a tall, beautiful woman, dark hair cascading down her back as she looks over her shoulder longingly. She embodies desire and temptation, whispering promises of pleasure but hiding unknown risks that would certainly make his parents shake their heads.

There are so many options, and each represents an earnest, human desire. Deep down, he knows what his parents taught, but the vices of life call loudly, and each path is enticing in its own way. Each option tugs at a different part of his identity or desires. Does he want success, belonging, or indulgence? Or does he fear disappointing his parents more than he fears stepping into the unknown?

Even with the weight of so many options, we can find solace that we are usually not left to our own devices when faced with such situations. The Lovers card reminds us that not all decisions are meant to be made alone, and there is comfort in leaning on and offering strength to others during challenging times. Each of us has a support network or source of guidance we can fall back on when we need help. This may be a parent or a friend, or it may even be divine guidance through prayer and fasting. While no one should feel they are alone when making heavy choices, we must also remember that, at the end of the day, the choice is ours to make, and the consequences (and rewards) of that choice are ours to accept.

Being faced with a difficult decision also encourages us to trust in ourselves and embrace our own intuition. We do not (hopefully) go into these kind of decisions blindly. We learn not to make choices when we are overly emotional or going through a traumatic situation. Instead, we rely on our intellect, instincts, and conscience to guide us.

In the end, The Lovers card isn’t just about the choices we make, but about the courage to make them. Whether we stand at a literal or metaphorical crossroads, the paths we take define not only our future but the lives of those around us. And while the card reminds us that no choice comes without consequence, it also offers hope: that with reflection, intuition, and faith, we can choose the path that leads us closer to our truest selves. The Lovers reminds us that even in the midst of chaos, we are not powerless. We have the tools—reason, intuition, and the support of others—to choose wisely. What choices have shaped the person you are today? How did you find the strength to choose your path?

Next, we'll take a look at how we can channel the qualities of The Lovers card to help us move in a forward direction, allowing us to become better people and parents at the same time.

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